On Cancer

demons play

hot claws burst through bodily flesh
grasping with there burning touch
the devils turn to tourture you
caught with in its flaming clutch

twisting fingers probe the soul
searing scorching as they go
tearing nails reap pain to bear
crushing twisting every where

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my just in case for my children

when you ever need me i am there
in you heart in your mind and in your soul
my love is all around you
surrounding you in my presence

forever i will be your mother even if my bodies not there
my heart my mind my soul shall be by your side
through all that you go through
for all that you need
remember that i am there

when you can not see
just close your eyes and you shall be with me

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to know

to have the sentance written
to hang it over head
to know your life is worth less
than some hours spent in bed

to feel the walls cave in on you
to know that so few care
to know you have no rights to call
is more than most should bear

i know i have no right to anger
i know that gratitude should rule
but given presant circumstance
it makes me feel like a fool

russian ruellet played on reliance
no one can hope to win
for though theres some luck with you
that luck will soon wear thin

so where to now if all is lost
do i wail and bemoan
or do i simply go to sleep
in that which i called home

i have no wish to  wait for cancer
nor no no will to wait for painfull death
i think id rather have some fun
as i wait for my last breath

no guilt and no apoligy
it seems i am not worth
so why waste emotional torment
and cause others such great mirth

it feels like a conspirocy
for every where i turn
i know its simple parinoia
but still my fingers burn

nothing left with in my grasp
no hope left to bear
no one else to turn to
no one who really even cares

quick death left as the only hope
to die with in my sleep
before the cells all start to turn
and cancer starts to creep

obligation are fullfilled
for those i care are kept
nothing now to stop me
nothing left now for regret

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all around is emptyness
desolation encasess the soul

the remenants of what was once
the four that made me whole

lost echoes of their laughter
echoing through the mind

peace found now in memorys
of when you once were mine

lost to cancer and deprivation
to poverty and to me

i thought to find them happyness
and some security

now i curse the cure that came too late
i curse my poverty

i curse the solitude deep in side
i curse the weakness that is me

and though i see them thriveing
i wither in this empty soul

iv lost my path to happiness
iv lost my only role

death once was held before me
now i long for its reprieve

reocurance of that nightmare
only means escape to me

the future cast before me
with out my soul intact

were you without your children
just how would you react

a life time now to ponder
a life time now to sear

a life time cast in desolation
with only echos left to hear